i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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