Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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