I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
