Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize