The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
