There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
