i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
