another moral hangover. fuck.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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