dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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