My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
