is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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