Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize