She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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