everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
