And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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