remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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