I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
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