you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I want is dick and wine.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
