im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
