Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
