did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
