So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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