why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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