It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
worst night to have a conscience
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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