dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
