you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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