The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
