I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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