Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
