never play flip cup with pint glasses
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
