If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
