Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
