sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
