Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I faked an abortion last night.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Randomize
