sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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