In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
