I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
