why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
