I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
