the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All the doctor said was why
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
