Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
