I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
