grandma shit on top of the toilet
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
