I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
