Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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