if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize