I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
