Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I would ride that face into the sunset
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize