can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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