...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
