You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
