i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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