just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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