Porn is love you can see.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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