He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
