I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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