Where did you get a picture of my penis
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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