Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
