Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
