Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
