I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
