I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
