who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
