ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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