dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
