So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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