It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
