The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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