People in love make me want to vomit
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
