I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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