Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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