Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
