I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
