I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
