Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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