he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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