During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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