1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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