maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hippo gnu deer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
