It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
