Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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