Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
