Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
