I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
