I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
