worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
