my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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