Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
