Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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